


The Mummy Goes To Starbucks

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: The Mummy (1999), The Mummy Series
Genre: F/M, In a Coffee Shop, coffee shop AU, it sure is something, modern day AU, of sorts, the mummy wreaks havoc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:24:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Rick O'Connell just wanted a nice cup of coffee and to see his crush. Well, clearly we can't have nice things when Imhotep decides to crash the party.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I only wrote this because I was watching the Mummy Returns and so my brother was like "oh is this the Mummy" and I said "no it's the Mummy Goes To Starbucks what do you think" and I realized that would make a good fic so I wrote it

It was a drizzly summer day in early June when Rick walked into the local Starbucks. He just wanted a nice cup of coffee and to let the bitter beans dissolve all of his worries. But the minute he stepped inside, he knew that was not going to be the case.   
Firstly, the barista was a woman by the name of Evelyn, who he was head over heels in love with, though he would never tell her. She was a brilliant Egyptologist, who worked as a manager at the Starbucks part time to help pay off her student loans. Secondly, her doofus brother Jonathan, who was smart, but at the same time incredibly stupid. And lastly, Imhotep, the biggest pain in the ass to ever walk the earth, was sitting in a corner, quietly sipping away at a raspberry iced tea and eating a ham and cheese croissant. This assface had caused Rick and Evelyn so much trouble in Egypt, and now he had the audacity to show up in the Starbucks Rick always went to, the Starbucks where Evelyn reigned as manager. Rick was going to punch that son of a bitch in the face someday, no matter what it’d take.   
It took the customer behind him snapping his fingers to drag Rick back into the present, and Rick anxiously stepped up to the counter, where Evelyn stood stoically, ready to take his order.   
“Uh, hi.” Rick stuttered, trying not to look like an idiot in front of his crush. “Can I just get a medium dark roast?”  
Evelyn nodded and pressed a few buttons on the cash register. “Will that be all?”  
“Yeah.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone stand up. He hoped it wasn't Imhotep.   
He paid, attempting to avoid eye contact with Evelyn, because if he didn't, he might've let slip that he was super into her. Dropping a few quarters into the tip jar, he found a seat near the counter, directly across the room from Imhotep. Somehow the Mummy hadn't noticed him yet. Or he had, and just wasn't letting him know that. Clearly the ham and cheese croissant was more important to the three thousand year old Mummy instead of killing Rick.   
Suddenly, the entire Starbucks began to shake, plaster dust raining down from the ceiling. Rick watched as Imhotep finished his croissant, wiped the crumbs from his hands, and stood, causing the building to shake even further. Slowly, threateningly, he turned towards Rick, his dark eyes piercing Rick’s soul, and at that moment Rick knew he had to get out. He lifted up his table and threw it at Imhotep before bolting off towards the counter.   
“Evelyn!” Rick said, his heart racing for a number of reasons. “It's Imhotep! We have to get out!”   
“Come on! We can leave through the employee exit.” She pointed at a door labeled EMPLOYEES ONLY, before grabbing her brother by the arm and dragging him towards it.   
“Oi! Did you just say Imhotep?” Jonathan said, pausing to face Rick.   
Rick scowled and looked towards the seating area of the Starbucks, where Imhotep seemed to be having fun causing mass destruction and killing people. “Unfortunately.”   
Rick slammed through the EMPLOYEES ONLY door, revealing a large room which seemed to be a storage place for food. He followed Evelyn as she lead them through the room, eventually finding the employee exit. She twisted the handle, but it was locked from the outside.   
“It's locked.” She said, kicking the door once.   
Rick pulled out a small pistol which he always kept on his side. “Not for long.”   
Jonathan gave him a sideways glance. “You know you're not supposed to bring guns into a Starbucks?”   
Rick looked him right in the eye with a face like steel. “After seeing what Imhotep can do, you really think I'm not going to bring a gun with me?”   
Before Jonathan could reply, Rick shot the lock and gave the door a swift kick. Unfortunately, that did not work, and the door stayed shut. Rick swore colorfully as he brought his now injured foot back from the door.   
“Damnit! Imhotep must've stuck it shut somehow.” He said, hopping around on his non-injured foot. “Oh, and look who’s decided to join us. Speak of the devil.”   
Imhotep strolled into the room, the food supplies in the room beginning to shake violently. He had an evil smile on his remarkably smooth face, like he knew just how powerful he was, and just how much he could destroy.   
He spoke a few words in ancient Egyptian, which completely went over Rick’s head, but clearly Evelyn could understand it, as she gasped and took a step back.   
“What? What'd he say?” He asked, tearing his eyes off of the Mummy and looking towards Evelyn.   
She gave him a look of pure fear. “He says unless I sacrifice you and Jonathan to him, he’ll kill us and take over humanity!”   
Rick was starting to feel panic welling in his chest, but knew that he had to keep a level head. He was the person people relied on in these situations, and he wasn't going to let some undead monster change that. Well, maybe he would. Depends on how the day goes. “Great.”   
Imhotep lifted his hand, causing a wall of knives to come flying towards them. Evelyn and Jonathan dived to the floor, while Rick grabbed a nearby metal shelf and chucked it at him, hoping to buy them some time. He tried the door again, but it was still shut tight. Finally, he held up his gun and aimed it right at the Mummy. If he was going to go out, he was going out with a fight.   
Imhotep raised his hand again, but this time Rick was ready. He grabbed a metal tray and used it to deflect the incoming toothpicks which were now flying at him, before throwing the tray directly into Imhotep’s head. While he was stunned, Rick pressed the trigger, firing six shots into the Mummy’s torso.   
For a moment, the room stopped shaking. Rick stood with bated breath, waiting to see if his shots had actually killed the Mummy.   
And of course they hadn't. That would've made it easy. Oh no. Nothing could be easy with ancient Egyptian curses. Imhotep stood still for a moment, before once again looking right at Rick. And then he gave a smile, a creepy, homicidal smile, the smile of someone who knows they can't be beat. His eyes not wavering, the Mummy raised a hand, causing the metal shelving Rick had used to defend himself to now come flying right at him, knocking him into the wall, the sheet rock buckling behind him.   
“Rick!” Evelyn exclaimed as several metal trays flew at him. He managed to avoid two, but the third struck him in the head. As it collided with his head, the world turned to black… 

“Rick! Rick!” Evelyn said through a fog. Well, at least Rick thought it was a fog. But it was just the fact that his head felt like it was filled with soggy toilet paper.   
He sat up, rubbing a lump on the back of his head where the corner of the tray had hit him. He muttered, “Is Imhotep dead yet?”   
Evelyn looked over her shoulder at a garbage bag which appeared to be trying to squirm away. “While he was distracted with you, I hit him in the head a couple of times with a metal pipe. Jonathan and I tied him up and shoved him in that industrial strength garbage bag hoping he would suffocate. So far he hasn't.”  
Rick smiled. “Wonderful. What're we going to do with him now?”   
“No idea. There's probably some curse or spell or something we can use back in the British museum to put him to rest permanently.” Evelyn said, and Rick watched as Jonathan went up to the bag and kicked it. “How are you feeling?”  
“Like I was hit in the head by a metal tray.” Rick said, flinching as Evelyn gingerly touched the spot where he was hit. “How are you?”   
“Well, I wasn't hit in the head with a metal tray.” She chuckled. “But I am a little shaken up.”   
“Oi!” Jonathan yelled from across the room. “If anyone's wondering about me, I think I might've bruised something!”  
Rick scoffed. “Nothing but your ego.”   
Rick slid over and sat against the cracked plaster wall. He hoped he wouldn't have to pay for that. Evelyn sat beside him, and she quietly slid her hand into his. He squeezed her hand reassuringly, and smiled as she laid her head on his shoulder.   
Jonathan looked at the two of them lying side by side. “Are you two…?”  
“Shut up, Jonathan.” Evelyn said, and Jonathan held his hands up in defeat before walking into the other room.   
Rick cleaned his throat. “So… are we… would you… yknow…”  
Before he could stammer any more awkwardly, she cut him off with a kiss. At first he was surprised, but quickly returned the kiss. When they separated, he gave her a tender smile, and she laid her head back on his shoulder. For once everything was right. Imhotep was immobilized, Jonathan was somewhere else, and he finally got to be with the woman of his dreams. Well, not everything was right. He still hadn't gotten his cup of coffee.

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder how many people will actually read this


End file.
